Friday, 16 March 2012

Eli, Eli, lamasabachthani?

For me living with depression is something I have had to get used to; it will always be with me.  Medication is definitely helping but the level of medication needed to eradicate the depression would also kill me as a person - I'd exist in a dulled world.  Of late I have got better at noticing the warning signs and consciously adjusting my  behaviour to prevent a crash.  However there are times when external factors jump up on me giving me no time to adjust and this happened to me the other night.  I am currently fighting off a chest infection with the aid of antibiotics and oral steroids and this and the enforced inactivity won't have helped.  However I was still surprised when I plunged into despair while trying to get to sleep and what I experienced led to the following poem.

Eli, Eli, lamasabachthani?

My God, My God, why have You deserted Me?
I cried in the dark of the night

My God, My God, why have You deserted Me?
As the thick veil of depression enshrouded me

My God, My God, why have You deserted Me?
As hope faded to nothing

And then I was silent

And in the silence a voice spoke
“I thought you’d deserted me.

In your pain and suffering I was always there
Even when the fog descended
But you let go of my hand when you lost sight of me.”

My God, My God, why have I deserted You?

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