Something you tend to hear every now and then in Christian circles is that if you aren't making progress in your Christian life you are going backwards. That may, to an extent, be true but it does result in pressure to be always progressing and then to feeling like a failure if you don't feel you are progressing (still with me?)
In my current situation my life is in limbo until I find out whether or not I will be returning to work. However that is beyond my control and so I have thought of myself as drifting. I then remembered the Thames Lightermen who used to move loads up and down the river on barges using just the tide; they were drifting but drifting in a controlled manner and so drifting began to seem to be something constructive.
I am still drifting but now I can accept that as a pause between activities; a time to prepare for the next stage.
Yet again I have tried to write this as a poem.
I'm drifting on the tide of time.
All is foggy.
I can't see behind me very clearly.
I can't see to the sides.
I can't see ahead.
So I drift.
Drifting on to...
Who knows where.
But drifting is moving.
Into the unknown.
So I watch and wait.
Waiting for something.
Watching for a landmark in the mist.
Waiting for a wind to clear the air.
Then I will hoist my sail
And move forward.
But till then I must drift.
Drift and watch.
Drift and wait.